It all started with Bagels, Lox, and cream-cheese. The dragon that guards my mountain sanctuary requested these during a temporary lapse in slumber. Fully waking her without bagels would be playing with a bomb. After I was charged with this quest, I had to slip past the guards the mountain dragon had stationed there.
It took a series of intricate flips and some second story wall running to safely arrive at the parking lot, the hard part. I dashed quickly and as low to the ground as I could, my body almost parallel with the asphalt. That's when I hopped into my car and took off. They weren't far behind, firing their pea shooter pistols and almost nicking the finely polished skin of my "whip."
We went on like this for a few minutes, cresting the tops of hills, my car actually lifting from the ground. Then there was the poor bastard that tried to climb in through the window. He maybe heard the first 5 seconds of "It's your thing" before I sent him hurling off toward whatever he called "God."
Halfway to my destination I realized I forgot my wallet. My speedometer wobbled near 80 as I took the hatchback into the U-turn. I drifted gracefully between a paramilitary roadblock and past a strafing run from the helicopter my foolish enemies sought to utilize against me. The late Michael Jackson was just warming up on "I Want You Back" as my car's steering jolted back into my control and took off. I set her to autopilot and climbed to the roof. The chopper pulled back, leveled out and fired a volley of rockets at full speed awesome.
I jumped from the roof to land delicately on each of the rockets, clutching them with my toes before lobbing them back at my opponents. The heat from the explosions softly touched my chest as I landed on the roof of my "smart" car and sped away.
Sneaking back into the mountain sanctuary was a necessary risk. A series of traps involving tests of my courage and will, and a dangerous feline encounter later, I managed to escape without waking the dragon.
I knew the bagel shop was a front before I got there, but I didn't expect it to be a trap for Bagel man and the Danish army!! A challenge was declared and they surrounded me, but I was destined to leave with my life and 13 bagels. When I set the plastic butter knives down, there were pieces of them splattered on the wall, parts stuck on tile by the thick cream cheese they sprayed into the air as I slaughtered them.
I returned to my mountain sanctuary, the guards no longer patrolling out of fear for my wrath, and presented the bagels to the dragon. In the end, a ninja must always put duty first, and I fought with honor. Just another well rounded ninja weekend. What (extra)ordinary thing did you do this weekend?
3 years ago
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